a place where I share my thoughts, my life, and my pictures

Friday, August 30, 2013

I'm Scared


I said it.

The truth that haunts me at the start of every school year.  My son leaves to compound his learning, blossoming into the person he's destined to be.  I sit at home.  Of course now I have another little man to unconditionally love.  Jack. 

He will still be with me.  But still I'm lonesome.  It's amazing how little I know of myself and yet how much I know of myself all at once. 

I know I'm artistic.  I know this like the back of my hand.  Anything "pretty" goes beyond that for me.  It lasts in my mind like a vivid picture and in some way I'd like to tell it "Thank you" and give it a hug.  Just for existing.  It's as though if I could get to know the beauty as a new acquaintance, I would have so many questions!!!  But art is also terribly intimidating to me as well.  I've made jewelry and taken pictures in the past, but it's all been in hopes to impress or to sell sell sell.  I've now learned from reading "Art and Fear" that this is the exact opposite end of "art". 

Art is not meant to impress anyone but the artist.  "Let the others decide if they like it while you move on to the next best thing for YOU!"  ... Or something along those lines.  Basically, art is meant to make you happy and no one else.  If they decide they like it or that it resonates with them, great!  But it wasn't meant for anyone but you. 

Today I took a picture of a bumblebee.  I was so proud of my pictures.  They were completely for me as well.  The colors were breath-taking and vivid.  I was in love with macro all over again.  Here are a few: 

Basically, what I'm trying to say through my random thought process is this:  I want to be in love with the life I live.  I can't keep staring into a blurry peripheral abyss trying to motivate myself into doing what I love.  I have to just do it.  Don't look back.  Don't judge.  Don't worry.  Just go!  Look back later!  It's such simple personal advice.