This is a very personal blog. One that I never intended on sharing but feel the need to get out into the cosmic void for whatever the reason.
I graduated from University at 22 years old with a B.A. in English.
At 23 I met my soon to be husband.
At 24 I gave birth to my son.
For the past 3 years I've stayed at home with Grady and have enjoyed it immensely but have always, ALWAYS felt the pressure to make money. Realizing my English degree wouldn't really land me a decent job in the area I decided to take on earning a B.S. in Information Technology. 1.5 years into its pursuit I confessed that I didn't like what I was learning. I put us $18,000 in the hole.
Afterwards I started a shop in Etsy selling Hill Tribe Silver (mainly) and did well, but not well enough to merit the time and stress of taxes. While maintaining that shop I took on another job, doing photography at home for a bead company located in Virginia Beach. Being a full-time mom, having a part-time job, and maintaining the silver shop was WAY too much on me. I had no time to myself. I was encouraged to stop it all and just be a mother (that was work enough!)
In April of this year, it was agreed by several professionals that Grady had a developmental delay and deserved professional help from our local school system. He started school for 3 hours a day 5 days a week. I felt useless that first week.
Suddenly my job, all day every day for the past 3 years was gone and still is gone from 9am to 12:45 p.m. He still takes a nap from 2:00 - 4:30p.m. too.
I decided to go for it with my metal-smithing and devoted my new free time to the jewelry, the blog, the kellyreece.etsy.com, even rejoined the dreaded facebook hoping to get more attention to my shop. But all of this time took away from my duties as a wife, mother, housekeeper (mainly housekeeper). So I dove into cleaning the house 1 hour a day every day of the week, and my drive to create jewelry has declined.
I've recently thought of getting an actual "job". But what can I do? What skills do I have? Nothing extraordinary. What would we do with Grady? I've thought of working my way through several arenas, such as being a bank teller or a pharmacy technician... but after a few days with the thought in mind my stomach gets sick with the idea of working weekends, nights, not seeing my family as often, doing the little things that get us through the week with ease, and my husband insists that I not work nights or weekends, to which I completely agree.
I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm at a stand still. What do I do with myself? Making jewelry takes money to invest in the materials, which aren't cheap. But being a housekeeper while my son is at school and husband at work is bringing me down. It's not that I don't adore taking care of my family, but when that's all I wake up for... I don't know, I guess it's not enough for me.
I want to make jewelry, but I get these moments where I feel like all I'm doing is putting us further into debt, not contributing to the family, and basically following a flighty dream that isn't in any way realistic at all.
I'm just putting all this out there because I found myself lost with what to do during Grady's nap today and managed to be in bed, with my eyes open. Staring. With these thoughts in my head. Feel free to comment. Whoever you are.