I'm Scared

There. 

I said it.

The truth that haunts me at the start of every school year.  My son leaves to compound his learning, blossoming into the person he's destined to be.  I sit at home.  Of course now I have another little man to unconditionally love.  Jack. 

He will still be with me.  But still I'm lonesome.  It's amazing how little I know of myself and yet how much I know of myself all at once. 

I know I'm artistic.  I know this like the back of my hand.  Anything "pretty" goes beyond that for me.  It lasts in my mind like a vivid picture and in some way I'd like to tell it "Thank you" and give it a hug.  Just for existing.  It's as though if I could get to know the beauty as a new acquaintance, I would have so many questions!!!  But art is also terribly intimidating to me as well.  I've made jewelry and taken pictures in the past, but it's all been in hopes to impress or to sell sell sell.  I've now learned from reading "Art and Fear" that this is the exact opposite end of "art". 

Art is not meant to impress anyone but the artist.  "Let the others decide if they like it while you move on to the next best thing for YOU!"  ... Or something along those lines.  Basically, art is meant to make you happy and no one else.  If they decide they like it or that it resonates with them, great!  But it wasn't meant for anyone but you. 

Today I took a picture of a bumblebee.  I was so proud of my pictures.  They were completely for me as well.  The colors were breath-taking and vivid.  I was in love with macro all over again.  Here are a few: 

Basically, what I'm trying to say through my random thought process is this:  I want to be in love with the life I live.  I can't keep staring into a blurry peripheral abyss trying to motivate myself into doing what I love.  I have to just do it.  Don't look back.  Don't judge.  Don't worry.  Just go!  Look back later!  It's such simple personal advice.

Winter

Winter is often a tough time for me and Terry.  We tend to super isolate ourselves and quite frankly, get a little SAD.  You know; "Seasonal Affective Disorder".  I don't even think this should be called a disorder.  So many people find it difficult to stay positive and upbeat on cold grey days with little daylight and noise. 

But honestly, this has gone on long enough!  3 months of the year I'm bummed and bored.  Suggesting 1/4 of my life is destined to be lame!  I cannot accept this as an inevitable beginning to my every new year! 

Today is November 19th.  The trees here have already reached their seasonal color peak and becoming bare.  Some are holding on to their color... but I fear one good strong wind will push that color saturation clean off.  Let's begin finding the beauty in Winter.

Noble Rank Rings

I had this great idea for rings that I would like to implement.  Noble Rank Rings, in where I assign a noble rank (on the United Kingdom's terms) to rings depending on their size.  A few days ago I made two rings that had massive stones.  Any larger and they would have been in the way of daily life, which I find to be abhorrently annoying.

I'm Surprising Myself

I'm joining my son's PTA.

I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do, like deep clean the stove.  

I'm writing to people I normally wouldn't write to.

My husband and I have a super awesome crazy great relationship.

Something has changed with me, like a calm in a turbulent sea. 

Now I'm not saying at ALL that those seas might not return, because, you never know.  You never EVER know.

But in the meantime, I'm genuinely happy.  My thoughts aren't wild and unable to tame.  I hope this lasts awhile.  I know my body really needed the break.

Big Belly, Fast!

I've slowly but surely been getting big.  Fast.  Like, in a hurry, fast.  I'm hoping it's the angle I'm sitting in that makes my belly look bigger....  Here's the slow progression.

 July (2 months)

 August (3 months)

September (4 months)

Salon... by NASA

Would you allow a computer geek from N.A.S.A. to do your hair?

Grady would.

 Serious hair perfection.

I tried to make my hair big too!  My stomach on the other hand is getting rather big on it's own!

4 months along.

The Shop

The shop on Etsy has been such a work in progress.  Almost five years of progress.  I had other shops in the past that I felt didn't justify myself as I got better and better.  When I opened shop with my name, I knew I had to stick with it no matter what.  Like a self-titled album.  It's a big decision.  I'm confident enough in my abilities to put my name on it.

Today I made two sales in one day. That's a first for me and has given me a feeling of massive momentum.

The ring above is grey sea glass from Massachusetts.  I also have the following colors.  I adore sea glass.  Sometimes, I just hold them.